How has college admissions made you rethink yourself?

The answer to this question will surely change over the next year as I deal with denials and acceptances and everything in between while applying to college, but I should probably write on this question now too:

Wake Forest is rethinking admissions. How has college admissions made you rethink yourself?

What an important question to answer. All schools should be rethinking admissions--this process has gotten entirely out of control and I honestly predict that one of these years it will blow up in our faces. The process is too competitive, too much about numbers, too politicized. The process has only made me feel worse about myself, even though in general I'm a very confident person, and made me cynical, unfortunately.

I suppose the thing that has most disappointed me (but also made me understand myself better) about the process is the resume-building. It feels like the only reason so many teens are involved in clubs, sports, and community service is for the purpose of saying, "look, College, I did this and it's impressive!" I find this nauseating...it's just a form of groveling and playing their game. It doesn't feel genuine.

I participate in all kinds of activities on campus, and sometimes someone will ask me, "do you just do all of those things to say that you do them on your college apps?" The answer always no. I genuinely like everything that I take part in and have never signed up for something just because it "looks" good. I've seen plenty of people who aren't in the same boat, though. At one point sophomore year, many students were submitting applications to a leadership group, myself included, I was really excited about the group and really wanted to be a part of it. In one of my classes, a girl asked another girl if she was applying for the group. "Yeah, I have to get into college somehow," was the response. What a backwards thought, as all I could think. Why should that girl get to take up the spot in the group when someone else actually wants to be in it?

 I've realized about myself, though, that this genuineness is extremely important to me. It's essentially honesty. I understand that I will never be the type to cheat to get ahead or change myself to please someone else. 

Since freshman year there has been this ubiquitous, intangible being called College that we were all terrified of.  And it seems that all we've been doing, especially in the past year, was trying to please College, whether that be with test scores, grades, extracurricular activities, or even just a sob story in a college essay. I haven't like being asked to cater to College's needs in my high school careers. What about what I want? What about pleasing myself first? What about enjoying my high school years instead of having to think about the four years that will follow?

There have been several points in the last few years when I've had to pause and ask myself what I want and follow that guideline instead of serving College whatever it wants on a silver platter. For example, when my last test scores came and were good but not perfect, I had to really ask myself if I wanted to keep trying for a perfect score. I had to make myself stop. I wanted to stop so much. Why would I pour my efforts into showing that I could master this one test?

And on the note of test scores, I should be grateful that there are two standardized tests that all colleges will accept, as I was definitely better suited for the ACT. But I feel as if there should be a few more tests, each measuring different kinds of intelligences. Some people are geared toward the SAT and some towards the ACT, but some need a different kind of test to show what kind of student they are.

The process has certainly made me rethink what I want out of my life. I now have a pretty concrete understanding that in my career, I want to be having a positive impact in the world, hopefully by doing something with conservation, and I want to be producing something like a publication. I value the written word and its ability to have an impact, and I hope that in a magazine I could spread the world about environmentalism as well as stretch my creative muscles in graphic design, breathing in the aesthetic aspects of publication production.

On Empathy, Courage, and Action

Princeton University's large essay on their application has a question which says,

Using the following quotation from “The Moral Obligations of Living in a Democratic Society” as a starting point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world. “Empathy is not simply a matter of trying to imagine what others are going through, but having the will to muster enough courage to do something about it. In a way, empathy is predicated upon hope.” Cornel West, Class of 1943 University Professor in the Center for African American Studies, Princeton University

I've always felt like an extremely empathetic person. When I hear of the terrible things that happen to people everyday I often feel absolutely sick to my stomach imagining the pain that they must be in. But in the cause which is most important to me, environmentalism, my empathetic feelings are shifted more towards the earth itself and the animals that inhabit it. I can use the classic example of polar bears--the precise reason why the World Wildlife Fund and other organizations use them and show you how the mothers can't feed their babies on the decreasing amount of ice is to make you empathize with them and donate. But my most clear, life-changing moment of both empathy and determination came all the way back in the fourth grade.

I'm not completely sure why we did this, but at one point in fourth grade we watched a few videos about deforestation and landfills. I have clear snapshot memories of the landfill video, and it had a huge eye-opening effect. Like most of the other children I had never really considered where my trash went once I threw it away. Surely that was the end of the line; the trash was gone, so why would I think about it? The images of millions of people's garbage covering so much land horrified me, and I felt that deep abjection and aphoria where my entire paradigm of the world shifted. It's hard to express exactly "who" I was having empathy for unless the Earth is a justifiable answer. Over the last few years I have understood more and more that the earth is the being that we inhabit that can't speak for itself, and I've begun to have more and more empathy for it as if it were a person just like you and me.

I could have stopped there, that day in fourth grade, and let the horrors stop. Ignorance is bliss, as they tend to say. But I think my greatest show of courage that resulted from the empathy I had with the Earth was exposing myself to more information that would shock me. I'm constantly searching for more documentaries about everything that we're doing wrong to our Earth, reading more about the science behind climate change, investigating more and more into systems, like waste disposal, that are commonplace but are problematic behind the scenes. Simply searching out more information is the greatest action I think I could have taken. From there, I'm always looking for ways to fix things, starting with myself of course, and spreading the message and ideas to my school community through the Campus Conservation Corps (CCC). Some people take up a cause after being inspired by something, but the inspiration often stems from horror of some kind. I think there's always a day of abjection in our lives when the world is no longer such a wonderful place and we're forced to not only recognized but often cope with what is wrong. The courage step comes between the recognition and the coping, almost just like the quote said. Ever since that video, I have become uber-conscious of my effect on this planet, positive and negative. The Earth needs just as much empathy as any other being, if not more, considering that it is the only being that we all have in common.

Top 10 Myths About Introverts

I absolutely couldn't help but reblog this. I consider myself an introvert even though I have a few extroverted qualities, and I especially relate to the corrections of Myths 5 and 6.

TOP TEN MYTHS ABOUT INTROVERTS

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

What Piece of Art Would You Like to Analyze?

This is another wonderful question that Wake Forest University asks in its application supplement. It's really quite a difficult one and so needs some freewriting!

As a part of 2010 Wake Forest orientation, the freshman class examined The Andes of Ecuador, a painting by Frederic Church. Next year what work of visual or performing art should the incoming class analyze? Why? 

 Jo Albers' "Homage to a Square"

This is a difficult question because it depends on how you want to "analyze" a painting. There are some wonderful paintings out there with a neat history but that might not be enriching to analyze with a group of eighteen-year-olds. Sometimes you have to give them something rather obscure to analyze  simply for the sake of sparking interesting conversation. For this reason it might be interesting to analyze Jo Albers' "Homage to a Square," which is simply a series of super-imposed squares. As was quoted in a play I read called "The Heidi Chronicals," one character says, “Perception, integration, isolation. Just three squares, and they reflect the gross inadequacies of our society,” and the other responds, “Don’t give me a Marxist interpretation of Albers.” This could be a really interesting starting point for a conversation about this painting.

"Tiananmen Square" by Stuart Franklin

We don't simply have to look at paintings, though; freshmen in college might find it enthralling to look at some of the most influential photographs in history, like the ever-famous "Tiananmen Square" by Stuart Franklin. Since all kinds of rebellions have been happening in 2011, photos like these can spark interesting conversation about governments in other countries and people's ability to rebel and take a stand. Many photos depict the horrors of war due to a country in crisis, and these would be great to study.

Being an environmentalist, of course, I would always be willing to discuss some of the shocking photos out there that show the plight of our planet. The ones that tend to have the most influence are those of animals, like this one, "Oil-Contaminated Bird at the Coast of Alaska" by the German Press Agency. It's a shocking photo of the death that we cause to all kinds of creatures on this planet, and would hopefully be a wake-up call to those that don't think about the consequences of our actions on our planet.

Some pictures could spark interesting spiritual and scientific discussion, such as the photo "Earthrise" by Galen Rowell. I can't imagine the significance of being able to see the Earth from afar--the place that we all inhabit. It's a humbling photo in that the Earth seems unbelievably small, and the rest around it is just blackness. I would love to hear what some future philosophy, theology, and science majors would have to say about his photo taken from the moon.

This is a post that I'll definitely want to continue! 

What Outrages You?

 I am absolutely outraged when people don't care about the environment, or worse, when they spite it. It seems that there are a good many people out there who think that they are above environmental issues or that they're not affected by it. This just blows my mind. Every single person lives on this Earth--it's the only thing that we all share. If we continue living the way that we are living now, we'll run out of natural resources very quickly. I am so frustrated when I see someone throw away a plastic bottle or a can or a stack of papers, and when I remind them that those can be recycled, they either say, "it doesn't matter" or "it's one bottle, what harm could it do?" While it's so easy to fall into the trap of saying, in a world of seven billion people, throwing away one bottle couldn't have that big of an effect. In a sense that is true, but we must remember Gandhi's quote, which goes something like, "what you do probably won't change the world. But it is extremely important that you do it." Besides all of the benefits of recycling a single plastic bottle, by recycling you're also spreading the message that this is an important thing for everyone to be doing. 

There seem to be very few colleges that ask interesting enough questions in their applications. There are a few that do, however, as if evident from the fact that I actually want to write responses to their questions. Today I'll be writing on two of the short answer prompts that Wake Forest asks in their supplement: 

"What outrages you? What are you doing about it?"

Apathy about the environment won't only increase climate change and over-fish our seas and use all of the freshwater on this planet but will destroy our health as we continue to pollute our air and use toxic materials to make products. This is the only cause out there that affects every person on earth. If we don't do something about it now, it'll soon create terrible destruction.

For all of these reasons and many, many more, I've been an active member of my school's Campus Conservation Corps (CCC) since I was a freshman. I've been president both my junior and senior years, and everyday I spend hours trying to help the club raise awareness around campus and make our school more sustainable. Educating the students is crucial to the success of our cause since we hope that the students will take what they learn home and help their families develop green habits. Being in the CCC has not only allowed me to lead my peers in the cause that is most important to me but is the way that I meet amazing people who are making differences in our school, community, and nation, and I learn so much from these people. I hope to double-major in Environmental Science and Journalism so that I can write about environmental topics and make the cause known.

Freewrite #3

Today's freewrite won't be about synesthesia. As I'm finding more of each college's essay topics, I'm realizing I need to write about those too! This is one of the brief essay prompts from Kenyon:

Neuroscientists have recently discovered the part of the brain most active in decision-making. What human trait would you most want to understand, and what makes it significant to you?

I would love to understand the part of the brain that is, essentially, the conscience. We all take about the "moral compass" and that humans "instinctively" know the difference between right and wrong. Many justify the conscience as something that only a Creator could have given us, but I would love understand if there is a part of the brain that tells us what is right and what is wrong. I would think that there is a governing part of the brain that was selected for in evolution, as it would be helpful to humans as we evolved. Humans live more prosperously when we live in groups, dividing different responsibilities and taking care of each other. So traits that helped humans not to kill each other or steal from each other would be beneficial to survival since people would be more likely to work together and make life easier for each other. While the moral compass is quite an amazing thing for the human mind to have and Humanitarianism believes most strongly in the human ability to do good, it would be fascinating to comprehend where in our brain little Jiminy Cricket is sitting and whether that part of the brain could be manipulated or better understood so that we might better be able to help those who are mentally ill and cannot distinguish between right and wrong.

Synesthesia Freewrite #2

I feel like I have very little to say today. I got a lot of the basics out yesterday, but I know I have more to say! I guess I can talk about how I did my sophomore English project on synesthesia. One of the things I enjoyed most about that project was getting to find other teenage synesthetes. There were a few things that I wanted to know from other people, and so I started with the one synesthete that I personally know, who is a year ahead of me. After asking him a few questions, I realized that there was a group of questions that I wanted answered by every synesthete that I could find, and so I drew up a survey. Wanting to hear from more people, I joined a synesthesia group on Facebook and called for any teenage synesthetes to email me if they wanted to take part. Many people responded and I got some wonderful responses. I asked people when they realized they had synesthesia, if they found it useful in any way, where their syn "is" (I'll come back to that), and what types of syn they have.

Synesthesia is fascinating in that the language that people use when they describe their synesthetic experiences is vague to the general populace but when expressed to another synesthete makes so much sense and echoes their experience as well. For example, most synesthetes that experience colors in some form or fashion will tell you very specifically what color they see when they hear a note, see a letter, etc. But they'll often have trouble specifying exactly what the color is--the shade of the color feels almost other-worldly because the shade simply cannot be expressed. This is how I feel about the note F, by the way--it's a strange overlapping of green and blue and black all at once but isn't a mixture of those and isn't a single one of those. A fellow synesthete would know exactly what I mean. Hearing so many descriptions of these vague colors led syn researches to deem these "Martian colors" because they don't believe that those colors exist on Earth. Sounds a bit kooky, but when I researched this I found it really quite enlightening. Syn researchers proved that their are colors that we (the human mind) can see that don't exist on this Earth. That's incredible to me; for years people have said that every color that can exist has been made and is in the light spectrum, and syn has proved this wrong! Amazing. Anyway, when someone asks me what color F is, I have a lot of trouble explaining, and they often probe me, saying that "it must be a color" and not understanding why I can't describe it. But other synesthetes would understand. They also use the word "feels" a lot which most people can't get their arms around but synesthetes comprehend so beautifully. For example, the day Monday is hot pink to me, and the entire day just feels hot pink. Most people will say in response to that, "what do you mean it feels hot pink?" But synesthetes will know that the day is simply drenched in another layer of being that is pink. It's too hard to explain, unfortunately. But as I read what other synesthetes had to say about their experiences, I felt like part of a club. These people practically spoke in code--I code that I happen to understand--but it made so much sense to me and resonated what I had felt my entire life.

I said that I'd come back to the question of where syn "is." People describe their synesthesia differently, but a few categories have come up as to where the synesthetic experiences actually appear. When I read, for example, each letter on the page literally appears to be in color. Yes, I know that the actual text is black; I can see that, my eyes see that, but my mind projects colors on top almost in another layer. Researchers have appropriately deemed this "projector" syn. Other types of syn create feelings, like I mentioned earlier, or create images in the mind's eye. When I'm listening to music, I kind of feel the colors that I'm hearing; I see them in my mind's eye. They aren't projected in front of me like a fireworks show, but I can still see them in the back of my mind without having to make an effort. When people ask me what I mean, I usually tell them that I see these colors in the same place where you see a memory that you imagine. It's not right in front of your face but you still have a little movie screen back there that lets you see what you're imagining. The only difference here is that I don't have to conjure the colors like I would a memory; they are simply a side effect of hearing music.

Synesthesia Freewrite #1

I guess I need to introduce what I'm about to write about. I'm going to be a senior in high school next year and need to be writing some college application essays, and I've learned enough about the writing process to know that if I sit down and say, "I'm going to write an essay," it's going to feel like I'm writing an essay. And that can be kind of dull. So I figured I'd free-write in snippets about the subject that I think I want to write about, and my snippets will be blog posts since I get a certain satisfaction out of "publishing" a piece of work online even if I have no followers on this blog and am pretty convinced that no one will read it. 

Having synesthesia has at times been like being that kid in the cheesy movie who realizes that she is different and feels separate from the world for the rest of her life.

And I guess I can't even start talking about synesthesia until I tell you what it is.

Synesthesia is a neurological phenomenon in which a stimulus to one sense triggers a reaction in another sense. For example, each letter that I see is in color--A is red, O is green, and so on. And it literally appears in color on paper and when I think of the letter. I hear music in color too--the note A is also red, C is magenta. Each day of the week has a color--Monday is hot pink, Tuesday is baby blue, and they just feel that color on that day of the week. It's always been that way, and until a certain age I didn't question that others had the exact same experiences that I did. Many people ask me, "when did you realized that you had synesthesia?" And I always answer, "I didn't realize that I had it. I realized that others didn't."

And so the life of the cheesy movie character goes. Though it's really not as tragic as it sounds; it's really something that I embrace about myself and am so thankful for, as it makes life quite a bit more interesting that I would think it would be without syn. I mean, I read words on a page and they're in color, for crying out loud, which I usually don't think about since it's all that I've ever known. But I suppose most people read in black and white, and that must be terribly boring.

This is not to sound elitist at all, I assure you. How would you feel if you realized that the entire world had black-and-white vision and you were one of the few who saw things in color? You'd be grateful, I would think. Black and white seems pretty drab compared to the vibrancy that all of the colors in the world can invoke.

I can't imagine playing music without syn. The notes on the staff are in color as well, and I'm pretty sure that the colors are a large part of my recognition of which note the music asks me to play. And then the keys themselves are in color too, and the sounds in the air as well, and it all sits in beautiful harmony. The note C on the staff is the same pink as the C on the keyboard and the note C in the air as it sounds. Now that I think about it, most people with "straight" senses don't have a connection between what's written (the music), what's there (the keys), and what sounds (the note), but I have a glorious tone, hue, pigment, whatever you want to call it, that makes the note especially...true. Clear. Tangible.

Since I've realized that I had synesthesia, I've put up with a few people who think that I'm making the whole thing up. It's pretty frustrating to battle them on the issue, for them to think that I would just invent this phenomenon for the sake of getting attention. But this isn't a sob story. My own mother thought I was making it up too, funnily enough; at a young age she says she would hear me say things like, "Mommy, the notes are in color!" and the like and she eventually asked my elementary school principal about it, and thankfully he knew. I kind of wonder what would have happened if he hadn't and if my parents would have been worried. In my studies of synesthesia I've read horror stories about parents who've taken their synesthetic kids to doctors, who then diagnose them with everything from ADHD to schizophrenia. I'm grateful that my parents embraced it, began asking me questions about it.

I truly only discover things about my own syn when people ask me about it. I remember talking to someone and listing some types of syn, such as grapheme --> personality syn, where each letter and number has a personality. Then the person asked me if I had that, and I replied no. Then she asked, "well, do the graphemes have genders?" And only then, at the age of fifteen, did I realize that they did indeed. I'd never actually thought about it. I'd just been experiencing it since I learned how to read. I walked myself through each letter of the alphabet and asked myself what gender each one was. This could sound kind of iffy, I suppose; anybody could ask themselves this and determine a gender for each letter. But there's a difference between that and synesthesia. With most people, they would have to make a conscious decision: is P male or female? But with syn, you just know. There's no if, and, or but about it; the color and gender are simply part of the letter's identity and it can't exist without that. I get mildly frustrated when someone asks me what color or gender a letter or number or note is, and I reply, and they say, "Hmm. I would've thought M would be blue," or something of that nature, and not only is M so not blue, but it's not something that I think about; it's simply the way M is. Just like to you, M has four straight lines. You don't think about it, it simply is.

That's free write number 1! More to come later...

(PS: that alphabet above is an example of what a synesthete's alphabet might look like. Mine in different, every synesthete's is different, but that's how letters appear on paper!)